


Doppelganger

by GovernorKristique



Series: Spliced [5]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F, Forgiveness, Intimacy, Love, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:27:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GovernorKristique/pseuds/GovernorKristique
Summary: In the middle of the night, Vera brings Joan some photographs to try and help her remember their relationship. Joan feels both closer and further away from understanding who she is.
Relationships: Vera Bennett/Joan Ferguson
Series: Spliced [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020913
Kudos: 19





	Doppelganger

Vera quietly slipped inside the prisoner’s cell. She had taken the night shift and it was uncharacteristically calm and silent throughout Wentworth. Joan slept soundly, her tall frame comically large on the tiny prison-issued mattress. Vera watched as the woman she used to know breathed softly and rhythmically as her chest rose and fell. She approached the bed and sat down, gently caressing her former lover’s shoulder. She looked so peaceful; no furrow in her brow, no anxious trembling in her lip. Vera wondered if she was dreaming. “Joan…” she whispered as she lightly stroked her cheek. Joan took in a deeper breath as she stirred awake in a bit of a panic. Her face instantly relaxed when she recognized the kind woman. “Hi darling,” she smiled lazily as she placed her hand over Vera’s. She drew the tiny hand to her lips as she gently kissed Vera’s palm. “What time is it?” she wondered. Vera smiled, “3am. I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in awhile, it’s been tough finding a moment to slip away undetected.”

“That’s okay,” Joan whispered. “I’m glad you’re here…” she flipped back the covers and pulled Vera by the waist to lay next to her. She draped her arm around the small woman’s hip, and brushed her hair out of the way, softly kissing the back of her neck. “Is this okay?” she asked tentatively. “Yes,” Vera pulled her hand close to her heart as she revelled in Joan’s warmth. She missed cuddling with her former lover as the little spoon. Sinking into the tall woman’s body felt so safe and familiar. Joan played with the brunette’s soft curls as the women laid together. 

“How are your sessions going with Dr. Miller?” Vera inquired. “Hmm...good I think. I haven’t really remembered much yet, but I think I’m feeling a little less afraid to, so perhaps something will come back to me soon” Joan mumbled as she buried her face in Vera’s shoulder. “That’s great,” Vera whispered. “Um...I had an idea that might help...I’ve brought some photos from when we were together,” she caught herself “uh, when Ferguson and I were together” she corrected herself awkwardly.

“It’s okay Vera...I’m coming to accept that while I don’t yet know who I am, Joan Ferguson is still somehow a part of me. I’m not ready to remember all of the horrible things that I did, but I do want to hear more about our relationship...it might not make sense but I think hearing about our time together as if it’s someone else’s love story just feels kind of...sad, you know?” Joan struggled to explain what she was feeling.

“I can understand…” Vera kissed Joan’s hand and gently ran her fingernails up and down her forearm. “I noticed you stopped asking me to call you Kath. Is that why?” Joan thought for a moment and slowly nodded. “Part of it, yes. I still ask other people to call me Kath. I can hear the disgust in their voices when they call me Joan, so…’Kath’ is easier to bear I guess. You used to address me with disdain as well, but lately there’s a sweetness in your voice when you say my name. It’s sort of nice,” she smiled.

“That must be challenging,” Vera swallowed. Joan nodded sadly. “It’s not easy...I don’t know if I’ll ever truly recover who I was. And I don’t really know who ‘Kath’ is either. Perhaps I should just pick a new name entirely and become someone else,” she smiled.

Vera turned to face her as she giggled. “I always thought I’d name myself ‘Lily’, if I could,” she said playfully. Joan brushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she admired her beautiful eyes. “Lily is a lovely name. It suits you too. What would you call me?” she asked. “Hmmm…” Vera thought about it. She had trouble thinking of her as anything other than Joan. She truly believed the older woman was lying when she started calling herself ‘Kath’, but Vera also subconsciously missed the Joan she used to know and couldn’t bear to let her go. 

‘“Maybe some kind of warrior woman name,” she giggled “like Octavia or Xena.” Joan shook her head as laughed at Vera’s ridiculousness. “Okay  _ Joanie _ ,” she teased, “do you have any better ideas?” Joan smiled, “well, I kind of like the idea of a Russian name. Maybe it would make me feel more connected to my heritage,” she said shyly. “I was thinking ‘Ivana’ or ‘Ivanovna”.

Vera’s heart dropped. The poor woman was thinking of taking a new name to help her become her own person, and all she could think of were derivatives of her horrible father’s name. “You don’t like it,” Joan looked at Vera inquisitively. “No it’s not that, I just...can’t imagine you having a different name I guess,” she smiled nervously. Joan smiled back and kissed her on the cheek.

“Do you want to look at some photographs I brought for you?” Vera offered. “I just have a few for now. All happy memories, I promise,” she whispered soothingly. “Yes,” Joan replied. She wrapped her arm around Vera’s shoulder and pulled her close as Vera pulled the photographs out of her pocket.

“So this is a photo from the Corrections Gala a few years ago. You were the Governor then, and it was at the beginning of our relationship. We went as friends since we were dating in secret, but it was still a romantic night. At least for me,” Vera blushed. Joan stared at the image of her and Vera smiling together outside of the banquet hall. Vera looked ravishing in a black cocktail dress and kitten heels. Her hair was styled in a half-updo, and a glittering silver necklace adorned her neck. Joan wore a deep purple gown, a sleek high ponytail and long silver earrings. Her hand rested on Vera’s waist. While the height difference between the women was humorous, they looked beautiful together. “Wow…” Joan took it all in. “You’re gorgeous Vera. Did people actually believe we were just friends?” she giggled. Vera laughed too, “somehow they bought it!”

“Show me another one,” Joan pleaded enthusiastically. Vera smiled, “alright, this is a strip of photos we took at the mall in one of those little photo booths. We had gone shopping for those dresses to wear to the gala, and you were  _ so _ unimpressed with me for insisting we take silly pictures together,” Vera giggled. The first frame of the black and white photo strip featured Vera sticking her tongue out as Joan raised an eyebrow in judgement. In the second one, Vera’s scrunched her face up like a rabbit, and Joan covered her mouth to hide her giggles. Vera playfully kissed Joan’s cheek while looking at the camera in the third picture, and in the fourth, the two women were lost in each other’s eyes. 

“Aw, we’re adorable!” Joan giggled as she squeezed Vera’s hand. “We looked so...happy,” she smiled. Vera swallowed as she felt a pang in her heart. Joan Ferguson and Vera Bennett had been very happy at times, but there was also a lot of sadness, hostility, and betrayal. Their relationship had never been easy. Joan hurt Vera nearly as often as she showed love to her. 

“Yeah,” Vera smiled. She shuffled to the last photo in her hand. She was a little nervous to share this one. “I have just one more for tonight. This is from the first Christmas we spent together.” The last photo showed Joan and Vera surrounded by presents and gift wrap, sitting on the white leather sofa in Joan’s apartment. Vera was in white flannel pajamas and held a mimosa in her hand as she gazed lovingly at Joan. Joan wore a red satin robe and grey slippers, as a small gift box lay in her lap. One black leather glove rested in the box, as Joan was halfway through pulling the other onto her hand. She fixated on her partially gloved hand almost as if she were in a trance. Joan cocked her head to the side. “Those gloves…” she trailed, as the image triggered a flicker of familiarity. 

Joan didn’t think the woman in the photo looked like her. There was an emptiness in her eyes and a harshness in her face. A ferocity to her eyebrows, and a tightness to her lips. Chills travelled down her spine as she stared at someone who shared her likeness, but felt so foreign. She was an uncanny double. A doppelganger.  _ This _ was Joan Ferguson, the sadistic and psychopathic Governor who fell from grace.

Joan felt her hands tremor as Vera put the photos aside and held her close. “She looks like me Vera, but doesn’t feel like me. We look so happy in the other photos together, but this one just...feels...sinister” she trembled. “Shhh…” Vera soothed as she tried to ignore the pit in her stomach. A few quiet moments later, a thought sparked in Joan’s mind, “Vera, do you remember a few weeks ago when I told you that I thought you could connect me to who I am? Who I  _ truly _ am?” she asked. Vera nodded as Joan grabbed the photos and placed the photobooth picture at the front. “I think  _ this _ is who I was,” she pointed. “Who I  _ am _ . The cruelty, the psychopathy...that can’t be the core of my identity. It must have been a mask, or a character of sorts. I think something bad must have happened to me to make me that way…” she mused. Vera held tighter as she thought about all of the traumatic things that had happened to Joan. She would talk to her about them eventually, but it wasn’t the right time. It may not be for a long while.

“Did I wear the gloves often Vera? I just have this gut feeling that they meant something to me,” she asked. “I guess you wore them often enough, yes” Vera replied, unsure of how to answer such a loaded question. Joan thought for a moment, “Who gave them to me?” 

Vera swallowed anxiously. “I did. You’d had another pair that had gotten a little worn out...and well, you were tough to buy for,” she smiled. “Hmm…” Joan searched her mind for any associations or memories she had about the leather gloves, but none were coming to mind. “They hold a deeper meaning Vera. I’m not sure what, but there’s something there,” she said softly. “We can explore that when you recall some of your memories back,” Vera kissed her. “But what I do know, is that the gloves made you feel powerful.” Joan nodded slowly as a tiny smile creeped across her face, “I guess that makes sense. Black leather seems to command power in any circumstance.” Vera giggled softly, followed by a big yawn.

“I should get back to my post. The early morning guards will be arriving soon to change over the staffing,” Vera kissed her cheek as she got up to leave. Joan grasped her hand, “can I...keep the photos?” she pleaded. “Maybe if I spend more time looking at them, something will come back,” she said hopefully. Vera passed them to her, “sure. Make sure you hide them well.” Joan slid them under her mattress as she wrapped herself in her blanket. She knew she wouldn’t be getting back to sleep anytime soon. “Come see me again soon?” she asked as Vera gripped the door handle. “I’ll try,” she smiled as she slipped out into the cold darkness of the sleeping prison.


End file.
